Confessions of a Workaholic : Monday

8:15 AM : My cell phone snoozes again. Impatiently, I take a look at it. It’s time I wake up. In fact, I should have woken up an hour back as per the resolution I made last night. But then, how many resolutions have I kept till date? I hate myself for being such a lazy self right now. Yet, at the same time, I am already thinking about the possible reasons I may give for taking the day off. Bad tummy? Already tried last week. Migraine? Not again ! Minor accident ? So minor that there are no visible injuries, yet reason enough for a sick leave ? Running short of ideas, I realise I can’t escape the truth : It’s Monday morning and I need to pull myself up against the strongest force in the world, the gravitational pull of the bed and the blanket. However, now that I am already late, there is no harm in stealing 300 seconds of extra sleep, which would serve me well for the rest of the day.



8:30 AM : It’s show time now. Ideally, I should have been sitting on my desk right now, dealing with the daily calls, excel sheets and early morning mails. Instead, I am sitting on my bed resembling a zombie trying to figure out the best possible strategy to make it to my dreaded cubicle in the least possible time. What are the things which I can skip at the moment? Can’t avoid brushing my teeth (that Budweiser still stinks; Anyways, it doesn’t take much time !). Thankfully, Mother Nature’s call is not so urgent and can be dealt with later on. As my friends say, I look mature with some stubble, so the razor can be given a break as well. Bathing, in my case, is a weekend activity. Considering the paucity of water resources, I had pledged a long time back that I would do my bit to conserve them (Ha ! Here’s one resolution I have managed to keep !). The overflow of deodorants in the market has made my task easier. While the Axe effect hasn’t turned the ladies on to run towards me, it has ensured that they don’t run away from me either. Breakfast ? Brunch sounds better. So, that’s it then. Brush your teeth, get into those formals and get going !



9:20 AM : After dealing with the terrible traffic in the millennium city (one of the euphemistic names of Gurgaon), I am finally here. While my mind commands me to run towards my seating area as I am already an hour late, my heart holds me back from entering the war zone. The resultant of these opposing forces are a few slow, measured steps towards my unwanted destination.

One of the advantages I enjoy is that my seat is close to the door and away from the glaring eyes of my boss. This allows me to tip-toe my way to my seat. That does not mean that the time of my arrival is not recorded; just that it prevents a direct confrontation with the boss . Today, I once again hope that the strategic location of my seat saves me.

As luck would have it, I open the door to find my boss standing in front of my seat seeking an explanation from one of my colleagues for coming late (By the looks of it, I believe he has arrived just a few moments back). My entry draws immediate glances and glares and I can bet that my hapless colleague would have breathed a sigh of relief upon my late, yet timely appearance. Suddenly, the focus shifts towards me and I am asked the obvious question. For a change, I don’t want to make any excuses. I simply murmur, “It’s Monday morning and I woke up late.” Perhaps a bit rude and unprofessional, but true. In response, I get back a stronger glare, but that’s the end of the verbal communication for the time being. Perhaps, it’s not such a bad day after all.



10:30 AM : I was wrong. It is a bad day. It was always meant to be. As I scan through my mailbox and list of pending tasks, I regret the laziness I had shown last Friday in anticipation of the weekend. There is so much to do now and I don’t know where to start from. I know it’s a stupid question, but why on earth is a fun-filled weekend followed by a mundane Monday. Need to start somewhere, somehow. Time for a cup of tea.



12:30 PM : It’s getting crazier. Are all supervisors inhuman ? How can they expect a single human being, as confirmed by the monthly salary slip as well, to do the work of 3 individuals ? I can’t complain though. If I do, I know what would be the answer : Start multitasking ! What an irony ! A term coined to define the performance of advanced computers developed by geeky humans is now haunting their lower mortal cousins like me. And there it goes again ! My brand old computer has hanged up and it needs some ‘Oongli’ treatment. While it reboots and prepares itself so that it may be reused again, I better go and grab my brunch. ( Uff ! Finally… )



1:30 PM : I am back ! Didn’t want to, but how long can you keep sitting in that canteen, with all the air-conditioners turned off and the televisions switched to various business channels ? Moreover, all the babes and the beauties in my office have also finished their lunch and are now carrying out their customary post-lunch walk outside the office building. So, I am back.

23 new mails. They never stop coming. Here’s another call. Welcome back to hell !


2:00 PM : I am going through the page on the “Theory of Relativity” on Wikipedia. It is not the first time I am going through this link. Like most first year engineering students, I had found the topic and sub-topics related to it extremely fascinating and thought-provoking. I had even gone to the library to look for some good books on it (Just imagine!). After a few days, I came to the following conclusion : Yes, the theory is interesting, but too complicated for me to comprehend. I am no Einstein, and all this research work is not going to change that status. I am meant for smaller and worse things and that’s where I should channelize my energy. Anyways, I have read enough using which I can show off a little and throw some ‘fundae’, if needed.

Cut to the present. Why am I reading all this now ? How can the theory of relativity help me survive in this mindless world of bits and bytes and a few wires here and there ? Well, it all started with an innocuous question : Why is the clock running so slowly today ? Am I just imagining this or is it actually happening ? Enter Mr Einstein’s theory of relativity :


“Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour. That's relativity.”


A tongue-in-the-cheek comment by the Genius himself has become the simplest and inarguably, the most popular definition of his theory. And as it suggests, I must be sitting on the stove right now. Did anyone say “Hot Seat”?

2:10 PM : Mr. Einstein. Your theory works. It’s perfect. I guess you already know. You have just found another follower today.

2:15 PM : Enough. I need to fix this clock first. Can’t concentrate on anything else until it starts working normally again.


2:30 PM : Actually, it’s still 2:15 PM. Just changed the system settings to fool myself !

3:00 PM : Sometimes in life, you learn your lessons the hard way. Like I did today. A very important lesson : No matter how expensive your chair is, it can never replace a bed. I have been trying to take a power nap on this stylish and ergonomic chair of mine for quite some time now, but it’s just not working out. Just a few days back, someone was telling me that the Chinese are allowed half an hour’s sleep every day after lunch! No wonder the Chinese are growing so quickly. They understand the due importance of what we call “Bhaat-Ghoom” in Bengali (Etymologically, Rice-sleep). For those of you who didn’t understand, I am referring to the mandatory nap every Bengali takes (or likes to take, as in my case) after he/she has consumed tonnes of Rice during Lunch. To enjoy such luxuries everyday, you need to be a housewife ( or a Chinese ). Since I am not, I should now go to the washroom and wash the drowsiness away.



3:30 PM : I don’t know how and when Plato came to the conclusion “Necessity is the mother of invention”, but I would like to believe it certainly wasn’t the place where I came to it : Sitting, rather sleeping, in my Office toilet. On a day when I have learnt some important practical lessons in life, such as the Theory of relativity, I have also realised that a shitpot can be a place where you can give your eyes, among other things, some much-needed rest. What makes it better than the luxurious chair on your desk is of course, its location : Away from the bosses, the official cubicles and the hidden cameras. This is why we Indians are progressing so quickly : When we don’t find a way, we find a shortcut !
Time for some action now. On your marks. get, set, GO…!

5:30 PM : Whoops ! Another task closed. What time is it ? I guess we are approaching time now. The ladies have started packing their bags (in some cases, their mini-suitcases). The drop in the number of mails received per minute confirms the same. My day is still not over though. Time for a short commercial break. Momos or Maggi ? Tough one. Let’s see.


6: 00 PM : Pleasure. No Taj or Oberoi can claim to have Momos with “tongue burning” chutney or Maggi with eggs and Chat Masala in their menus. And trust me, the dirtier the stall, the tastier the dish. Dirt, I believe, is an important ingredient of these delicious recipes. Cleanliness and hygiene freaks, kindly stay away.

Inside the office, the hullabaloo has been replaced by a much calmer atmosphere. Most of the people have left for the day. The struggle would now continue for them on the jammed streets of the city. As for me, the fun continues where I had left it.


7 :30 PM : Another one walks past me towards his home. A place bustling with activity a few hours back now houses vacant chairs, and each chair is acting as an inspiration that I vacate mine. There is still a lot to do, as per my list of pending tasks. But then, there are so many days to finish them as well. Hell, it was just Monday. It’s just the beginning.

As I swipe my card for the one last time today, I don’t know what is making me smile; is it the ephemeral relief I would get from this monotony ? Or is it a wry smile which knows it would be gone once I return back tomorrow, and the day after, and after ? For the time being, the I Card goes into my pocket and the earphones come out.
Just the song for the moment – Kishore Da at his best :
Musafir hoon yaaron, na ghar hai na thikaana….Um Hmm…Ae he…